Living Falling Down

It has been suggested that those reading this blog would want to get to know me a little better, but I recognize an attempt at spying when I see one and thus you will get no details out of me to take back to the cockroach overlords. However, in the spirit of increased understanding and to appease the poltergeist of blogging, I shall give you a glimpse of how insane I really am so that you can sit back in your office chair, sip your mocca latte while listening to Coldplay and laugh pretentiously on my account.

A Few Facts:

1. I believe that Hawaiian Sweet Bread, Corn Beef Hash and Tortellini were created solely for my own enjoyment. Anyone who says otherwise can watch me clamp my hands over my ears and hum loudly.

2. I wouldn’t kill for the above, but I would kick you in the shins, grab it, and run away. I might even take the time to shout something insulting or demeaning, but I’d have to be in the right mood.

6. Whenever I hear the word “pickle” I giggle a little inside my head. I have no idea why.

14. I adore socks. I am a faithful follower of the Sock Fairy, a mystical and enlightened being who secretly steals socks out of drawers to unravel and then knit together into giant multicolored scarves for small, sockless gnomes. In her honor, I have a sock collection with every type of socks imaginable – even some with bells on them. Although, strangely, I rarely wear them with shoes. Shoes are not as fun as socks.

16. Someday I swear I will hug a chinchilla. I don’t think I can die happy until I do. I could probably eat cake happy, or go water skiing happy, but I require a chinchilla for more substantial happiness.

20. Give me a flashlight, two Hershey kisses, your wallet and a kitten and I will find some way to annoy you with a flashlight.

I’m certain that covers all of the pertinent and necessary personal information that anyone would care to know about me. That, and I have a dog too. Although that strikes me as the kind of information that no one would be interested in…excluding of course the government spies who are monitoring my every move because they know I have the secret of Atlantis locked away in my left shoe. Sorry, fellas, but I promised the mermaids that I’d keep their secret safe…not that there are any mermaids or underwater cities or giant squid pets named Steve. That would be silly.